I bought a fridge today. In my mind, that firmly establishes my householder status. My cousin, who seems to become dour by the years (months!) at an astonishing rate, surprisingly echoed my feeling when I said that I try to resist baggage as much as I can, saying that it's pointless trying to resist it. It disturbs me a little, but not so much. I hope the fridge lasts.
Dearest Floppy, I miss you all the time. You were the one I was in love with when I was in a relationship with my boyfriend. I was such a bad guardian to you. Please forgive me. I hope you are happy where you are. I find it hard to believe that you are anywhere. I more than know you are gone, that nothing of your existence remains. You gave me so much, you gave ma so much. You were her love too. We both live in the Dilli house now, and the feeling of being bereft of that which we desire so much lives with us all the time. Can't you please come back? Somehow, in a life-defying way? Could we not have someone who would be exactly like you, who would love us like you did? We were so terrible, my darling, my dearest love, I was so terrible, for not having taken care of you the way I should have. I took it easy, and the punishment is only deserved, but please please, will you forgive me? For the love and care that I did give you, for the love we shared? I love you, I love you so much. It would be a lie to say I can't live without you. I can, and I am happy too, but well. You know the rest.
I go to the white dog and the black dog every day, and they are good to me, and kind. I hold him close and whisper affections, and he touches his body to my leg and listens. He lets me pull his tail, and he comes running to me every day. He is so dusty, and often terribly dirty. I am always afraid of having the dust and his hair stick to my work clothes, and they do, little bits of them. I wish I could take him home at night to sleep with us, like Katiyal aunty asked me to, so he wouldn't have to spend cold nights out. I am thinking about it. Just that he is so very dusty that the whole house would be covered with it, and my mattress too, were he to sleep in the room. But maybe I will bring him in. He is a biter, some people say, but he is only been kind to me.
Ma has come alive, a fair bit, to my great relief. May it continue.
Dearest Floppy, I miss you all the time. You were the one I was in love with when I was in a relationship with my boyfriend. I was such a bad guardian to you. Please forgive me. I hope you are happy where you are. I find it hard to believe that you are anywhere. I more than know you are gone, that nothing of your existence remains. You gave me so much, you gave ma so much. You were her love too. We both live in the Dilli house now, and the feeling of being bereft of that which we desire so much lives with us all the time. Can't you please come back? Somehow, in a life-defying way? Could we not have someone who would be exactly like you, who would love us like you did? We were so terrible, my darling, my dearest love, I was so terrible, for not having taken care of you the way I should have. I took it easy, and the punishment is only deserved, but please please, will you forgive me? For the love and care that I did give you, for the love we shared? I love you, I love you so much. It would be a lie to say I can't live without you. I can, and I am happy too, but well. You know the rest.
I go to the white dog and the black dog every day, and they are good to me, and kind. I hold him close and whisper affections, and he touches his body to my leg and listens. He lets me pull his tail, and he comes running to me every day. He is so dusty, and often terribly dirty. I am always afraid of having the dust and his hair stick to my work clothes, and they do, little bits of them. I wish I could take him home at night to sleep with us, like Katiyal aunty asked me to, so he wouldn't have to spend cold nights out. I am thinking about it. Just that he is so very dusty that the whole house would be covered with it, and my mattress too, were he to sleep in the room. But maybe I will bring him in. He is a biter, some people say, but he is only been kind to me.
Ma has come alive, a fair bit, to my great relief. May it continue.
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