I feel very sick all of a sudden, pukish etc. I want to leave, not be stuck to this desk or the security of people to hold my hand when I need to. Contrary to what O says, you might not have another person to reflect yourself into even if you love. You might want to, kintu it’s just way better not to yearn if it ain’t happening. It’s like being lulled into this cushiony place. It’s no good, you must keep your distance. You can’t hope that another will be the fount of your joy.

The caption says "blue tit exercising". In all seriousness.

Life’s fucked, yeah baby but what’s
new?
Kaku has left. Something else also happened today, I think. I am so
tired, but I wish I were always this way for a long time. I can’t think and I
can’t be afraid. I wish I could be free.
Or, ooo, wonders, can I actually be
happy?
I wish you would be okay but I don’t know how much it matters
anymore, my wishing, empty wishes, empty tempty pempty 30 year-old, twenty five
year old, bumping, dumping, tumpking along, all the old thoughts, and where do
they go…
I was reading Chatwin, Brucos Chatwinos. And I read English August
and enjoy going insane. Hardly, anyway. So the barbet came yesterday morning and
we were very happy, he and I, me and I. I even had a video of it. And didi is
having a baby and C got married, and I am an old king bus riding twinky in the
sea.
Oli came and lit up my day, and we both stood at one Katapukur, under a
dusty sky and lots of trees and yellow sun bursting with the promise of summer,
and I dreamed of jholas and dusty streets. And I am looking up armadillos now.
Merry aye?
There’s a bastard that goes aye, aye. Hate him
bloody.

Our Camay is getting married tomorrow. And we wished for joy and fun and seasons in the sun.
She is the first of our lot, and it’s a pleasant sort of thinking to be surprised at the fact. Who knows what it is like to be married, and why does the world want to tear away the picture in your head and tell you that life is brutal and things are not as rosy as you want them to be? does not matter, cause I think they are rosy anyway.
Misswholeworld is the id of someone. And I really rather love it, mane there’s this completely honest no holds barred self absorption in it although it is so corny. And on the other, this deep deep yearning I find for everything out there separated from you by the transparent film of your indecision, incompleteness: no Hamlet but a fool.

I would let anything happen to let this stay, or rather push it to the worst end it might. Or the worst that could happen to me. Then I would sit amid the destruction, the pieces, and laugh. I wouldn’t have chickened out. I will have killed myself trying.
But this is all in my head, aye.

The Torment Of Existance Weighed Against The Horror Of Nonbeing.

Rules:1. Put any music player (like Windows Medias Player, Winamp, iPod) on shuffle/random mode2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.3. You must write the name of the song no matter what.
It's a hell of a lot of hard work shala.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
No surprises (Radiohead)
Heh heh, it’s probably what I am most likely to say.

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Because the world is round, it turns me on (The Beatles)
Perhaps.

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Exit Music, Radiohead.
Wake... from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today.. we escape
We escape.
Not necessarily. Actually, not at all.

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Climbing Up the Walls (Radiohead)
Actually, today is one of those rare days I don’t.

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
The Mysterious Murder of Christian Tierra’s L (Steve Vai)
Yeah right, sure, and then I’ll grow pumpkins on the vacant lot behind my house.

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Electioneering (Radiohead)
I will stopI will stop at nothing
Say the right things
When electioneering
I trust I can rely on your vote.
A bit of that, yes.

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
A Little Help From My Friends (The Beatles)
Yeah

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
When the Levee Breaks (Led Zep)
If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break,
When the Levee Breaks I'll have no place to stay.
Mean old levee taught me to weep and moan,
Got what it takes to make a mountain man leave his home,
Oh, well, oh, well, oh, well.
Don't it make you feel bad
When you're tryin' to find your way home,
You don't know which way to go?
Yeah

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Dear Prudence (The Beatles)
No no, not really, no.

10. WHAT IS 2+2?
Karma Police (Radiohead)
Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Strawberry Fields (The Beatles)
Yes

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lucky (Radiohead)
Pull me out of the aircrash,
Pull me out of the lake,
I’m your superhero,
We are standing on the edge.
Yeah, that

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Octopus’ Garden (The Beatles)

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Answers

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Die to Live (Steve Vai)

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Let it Be (The Beatles).
Hihi

17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Four Sticks, Led Zep.
Oh, Baby, it's cryin' time, Oh, Baby, I got to fly. Got to try to find a way, Got to try to get away, 'Cause you know I gotta get away from you, Babe.
NO, if I ever dance

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Here, There and Everywhere, (The Beatles)

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Going to California (Led Zep)

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Right.

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Stairway to Heaven (Led Zep)

22. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Paranoid Android (Radiohead)
A calls me that occasionally with affection.

I am fucking tired of this. Harami jotoshhob

The sterile wanderer

Nothing to hope for. In fact, it is the only way to be. I can’t take this anymore I can’t I can’t I can’t. I wish I were alone. Then I would be sharp, cause I’d have only me to fall back upon. This passive dependence, sometimes answered, sometimes inutile, makes you blunt, impotent. There’s this woman, actress called Franka Potenta: Franka the powerful. Franka, lovely name. I wish there would be this violent rupture that would force change. I am completely unanchored, suddenly I dunno what to do. The weather as usual brilliant, sunlight and freedom, tinged with rancid despair. The sharp taste of rancid despair. I think I’ll try this tactic now: I’ll let things get as bad as they possibly can, then when I can’t take it anymore, I won’t hafta be responsible for my actions. Maybe then I will be free?