I am very very tensed about upcoming work. I couldn’t do it without the help of boyfriend and I realise again and again why people come together, marry, form communities, why those bonds are stronger than friendships. It means a commitment, a duty that goes beyond like or dislike. I am grateful for this. I feel scared, insecure, and spiky about having to take favours. I want to come back to my own space soon, where I do not feel obliged and guilty for being unable to repay the kindness/ help.

Reasons to be irked about today:
BSNL has mistakenly added last month’s bill to this one’s and barred outgoing calls. In the midst of never-enough-time, kal will have to run to Salt Lake to get that fixed. Online billing? No no sirree. In fact, offline o thik kore korbo na.
I was hoping for the closure of the first phase of duplicate marksheet story. No hope in sight. Duplicate marksheet wanter hasn’t written back clarifying what she wants, and I have left stuff with Dibbo. So sorry.
And then, no cook, no maid, ma at dadu’s, so go home clean dog, prepare other dogs’ food, wake up early when ma is back tomorrow routine. Feed own dog, who will throw all kinds of tantrums, stuff food down own gullet. TALK: v.important to figure out stuff.
Getting a form signed by someone. Speed posting it.
Making a v.important call from home. (Oh brilliant, no happen tom, because no phone, no STD. So figure out a niribili place in office to phone from.)
How I will do all of this by tomorrow, I have no idea. The BSNL thingy really really didn’t have to compound things.

Plus, I am apprehensive about Dilli trip. It seems like a godforsaken place, much worse than Nagpur. Perhaps by the end of the trip I will have resolved to never live or work there.

NB: Para dog seems ok.
I hope SSS’s cat will be fine. Its name is Mieville, like Dora’s cat.

So, er, this is more an update than anything else. Just because I can.
I went to Indrani’s and this is what I wrote to Oli and the sexy sadistic spanker:
Dog is well, calm, even happy. And somehow, even clean, though obviously not given a bath. It was very relaxing to be there and indrani herself talks in a language that is familiar: she talks of dogs like they are people, she told me about my dog: what she's been doing, how she loves mangsho bhaat, but rather dislikes milk. And how she can eat and eat. She hasn't pulled at her bandages either, wagged her tail at Indrani and let me pet for a long time when I went into her kennel, looked curiously out of her kennel whenever she saw us come up to her. Her other dogs were also lovely: clean, fat and friendly.
Indrani has gotten young Mowgli adopted. Mowgli is a very spirited young pup that M and I saw when we went to her place. And another two will be gone too. Which is very nice. One should be able to think of some things with unrestrained happiness and right now, thinking of her and the dogs she keeps, makes me feel that way.
Among other things, I have feeling addle-headedly affectionate towards boyfriend again, without much reason, so I don’t know what to think about it. His g’ma died and he loved her very much, indeed and I was occupied with doggy stuff and feeling uncertain and blah blah things happened blah blah we spoke while I cried a little and no solution or way forward really came out except that well, I am not worried and disappointed and sad and since I can’t understand why I should feel this way, well, I can’t keep thinking about it anymore.
A cousin married. I visited their house yesterday after they had both come back from her parents’ house in the evening. My cousin looked so glad to have gotten married, it was nice. And we shall go to the boubhaat (ogod I am referring to rituals I don’t care for by name) tomorrow and I shall have to iron out my mountaineous salwaar kameez and wear it in this heat and turn on my public self and it’s work but hopefully will not be prolonged. And an uncle said, sheshe tui ekta leri kutta ke pushli. I am too outraged and well, what’s new, but is it so very hard to expect basic sensitivity, decency? You might not care for it, but you are talking to me and you can extend the same politeness, if nothing else, that I extend towards you even if I might think that what you do is bullshit. I am polite and I try to engage you in talk about what you do even if I think it’s all hocum. Is it so hard to want the same back? I dunno. Maybe I am perpetually in guilt on account of some fault of birth.
The purpose of my Dilli visit will not be sorted out easily. But I do so look forward to meeting friends. I am a little alarmed at the thought of how hot it will be, but ki ar kara.
Since I saw the sufferings of para dog, I look at my own in a new light: I had gotten used to her, but now it seems to strike again how precious her life is, how tenuous too, like everybody else’s. I pet her more often, hold her closer, smell her again and again. When I come down with food at night and my downstairs pup goes ballistic with joy (it goes ballistic at the slightest of reasons), leaping, rolling over and trying to lick all the other dogs, my heart fills with delight.
Crazy dog lady shall accompany to Harinavi for stuff she has to get done. :(

http://www.eloiseleyden.co.uk/slum-dogs

Thank you Dibbo for everything today. Mane, I am just a stupid oaf bumbling through everything. I am grateful you knew what to do, from getting the taxi, deciding on the fare, lining the seat with newspapers, petting the dog when she was on the operating table and not losing your cool once, petting her and holding her reassuringly in the taxi, paying off the driver. Also, for telling me that she needs to be walked before being made to get in. This too I didn't know at all.
Twenty four hours have seemed too little in the past three days and I am not sure what tomorrow will bring, but the pressure has eased up a bit now. And I am writing this.