It's very cold in Delhi these days. It's that kind of cold where I no longer register needs like hunger, the need to pee, the need to bathe (which was never very strong, anyway). I concentrate on trying to keep warm and on sleeping. No amount of time seems enough to asleep. I spend about an hour trying to fall asleep, to discover at some point that I had been gritting my teeth against the cold. Feet refuse to get warm. It's like it would be during the trek.
I wake up all warm and toasty and it seems like the biggest injustice to have to leave the bed and get ready for office. That's all I do in the morning, really. Make tea, warm lunch, potty, shovel food down my throat, get ready and run.
I have taken to eating with a spoon and out of the bowl I boil rice in. Hand feels frozen if you eat with it, plus one utensil less.
I bought a jacket from Sarojini market today. I'm wearing it now. I feel like Sajid in East in East. He would always wear a parka, and at the end of the film, he got circumcised.
I saw Persepolis over the last two days. I liked it more than I liked the book, which I also liked. It would probably find an echo with anyone who feels exiled and unable to return. La liberte a un prix, it ends with. Truer words never said, etc.
I was also watching Black Swan, the whole of which I couldn't watch, for faulty download reasons. Trying to see whether the whole film could be seen somehow, I watched one-third of the film thrice. I liked it each time. I loved the music. It's haunting and it mirrors Natalie Portman's character, Nina's thoughts. She acts very well, I think. Or maybe, all lonely women answer a chord these days.
I went to Khan Market today. No one told me that besides housing all kinds of brands, it was also a rather quaint place. And Big Chill, for all the blowsiness it suggests, is like that too. Of course, it's also expensive. I disliked Dilli Haat quite thoroughly and felt very at home at Sarojini market. But that was after I found the jacket, which I was looking a little desperately for. But then I went into this part of the market that sells vegetables and fruits. I like that section. a fruit seller there has made a little space beneath the brick surface he sells his wares from. It's a small space, exactly right for a dog to fit. There's a gunny bag and some straw there. The dog in question was a black one, sitting straight. He was very soft, ami aador korechhi. He also ran away with a tupi someone handed him and the small boys selling stuff there played a game of chase with him. He knew it was a game and he adroitly sidestepped the boys several times. :-)
I felt at home there. I wish I were living in south Delhi.
And company definitely makes venturing out easier.
I wish the boy were here. I miss him on, well, certain days.
There's a flurry of marriages all around. Again. I wish I were settled too, sometime. In every which way. I wish F were with me. I wish my dog were with me. I wish she were with me.
A colleague said while we were coming back a few days ago: 'I had many dreams once, but I want now is to be back home.' He is from another city. He doesn't like delhi either. he's lived here for three years. how can he live with such longing for three years? i blabbered a little. i said, i think at home, i'll be the least unhappy. he agreed. who knows if he was telling me the truth.
