Get me more Choglet

I wonder what it is that makes me not care for lesbian and gay issues either. It's the next day's page, and anything I loved seems so airy-wairy, irrelevant. That I would be validated only through tangible, real, so-called things. There are things you don't know. It is a process, it does not feel abnormal, or forced either. Just that I paused to wonder, when I came to an Internet entry on the 1998 San Francisco International Lesbian & Gay Film Festival. I went to their site, looked at the films. It didn't make one whit of difference to me. And if I came to something I liked, I'd probably try to save it and keep it away, so that it didn't take my attention, for some later, less harrowed time, which inevitably does not come. What is left, really? I am too much a part of it to say, now. I wish to go away before it gets too consuming, and don't worry, I will. Will I leave a shattered heart in the process, how many, and? These are rather idle musings, the last one, anyway. As he calls them, he. And tonight I feel lonely and a twinge of pain, to not have what I want. And then, the trouble of wanting quite so much. And not really having it. I want to be lonely tonight. To not have anyone near me. Take my mind away, dear God, I don't want to think.