I feel like a pressure cooker waiting to explode. Maybe that is an exaggeration. This past week, I went on the equivalent of a bender, staying up deep into the night, unable to switch off, and then because of the mosquitoes, unable to sleep, too tired to think straight about my mother's health or to work, only seeing that things were slowly going down another notch. It is worsened by several things because of the boss I have, who is an immense pheku and slacker and politicker who gets away with murder everytime. While I have tried to play along, I just feel exhausted by her now. And I have also done a khal ketey kumir aana, I think.
Sunday has been better, I think. Anyway, I go to bloody Solan in this cold weather for a product presentation. God knows what will happen there.
I have discovered Shameless. Weird how the end of the year always throws up these things. Last year's was Queer as Folk, again by Showtime. It's about a 'dirt-poor' and extremely dysfunctional family from South Side, Chicago. I was thinking about Fiona. She didn't bail out on her family. People do get dealt a far harder deal than they deserve, but they don't cop out. So maybe I too. It's satisfying and a bit of a relief, rather than easy identification, to immerse myself into another world, another set of lives. O keeps saying that you should not have to be your mother's keeper, that she does not know what she would do in a similar situation and that she sees clearly that staking your all for someone is something she would never do again. I don't think she engages with that anymore, but well, faced with it, there's nothing else to do, is there?
A whole year has passed by since this started, and it is just the beginning. Yet, also relief that more time has passed by, like ticking off the boxes.
A is very happily pregnant, O says. And we both expect C will be next. God, how the cycle of life must continue. That does not preclude how much I look forward to being, well, a mashi. Haha, how crude that sounds. I have been damaged forever by being awake to the possibility of double entendres in everything.
I think the more difficult people's lives are, the more they laugh.
Sunday has been better, I think. Anyway, I go to bloody Solan in this cold weather for a product presentation. God knows what will happen there.
I have discovered Shameless. Weird how the end of the year always throws up these things. Last year's was Queer as Folk, again by Showtime. It's about a 'dirt-poor' and extremely dysfunctional family from South Side, Chicago. I was thinking about Fiona. She didn't bail out on her family. People do get dealt a far harder deal than they deserve, but they don't cop out. So maybe I too. It's satisfying and a bit of a relief, rather than easy identification, to immerse myself into another world, another set of lives. O keeps saying that you should not have to be your mother's keeper, that she does not know what she would do in a similar situation and that she sees clearly that staking your all for someone is something she would never do again. I don't think she engages with that anymore, but well, faced with it, there's nothing else to do, is there?
A whole year has passed by since this started, and it is just the beginning. Yet, also relief that more time has passed by, like ticking off the boxes.
A is very happily pregnant, O says. And we both expect C will be next. God, how the cycle of life must continue. That does not preclude how much I look forward to being, well, a mashi. Haha, how crude that sounds. I have been damaged forever by being awake to the possibility of double entendres in everything.
I think the more difficult people's lives are, the more they laugh.
No comments:
Post a Comment