I never thought I'd quote from True Blood:
Sookie: To be honest, Alcide, I am not sure I know anything anymore. It's starting to feel like there's no rhyme or reason left in this world.
Alcide: That's what death does, whips the ground right from under your feet, makes you wonder if it was ever there to begin with. But it was, it'll come back.
I used to think, in very juvenile vanity, that I never regret. Because you are the way you are, and if you went back and found yourself in the same situation again, you'd do the same.
No longer. If I had another chance, I would go back and do it differently. But I won't pray, I won't ask for miracles again. There never are, only people, and their effort bearing fruit against the odds.
It's over. I am broken, and done. I will do what life enjoins me to do, I will try my best to take care of ma, but that part of me that hoped for new beginnings, that was grateful to be given the chance to love, I want it to become inert for a long time. I don't want this to happen again. Oh yes, I hope, I want it so much, but I don't want to take a step forward. If, at some point, I am totally alone, I will look for another to love. But never before that.
Life is nasty, brutish and short, as Thomas Hobbes said. If I had nothing left to lose, I would say, ar keno? Ebar toh shesh korlei hoy. I am resigned, for whatever else life chooses to throw at me, and there will be more. There is no point rebelling, you live the best you can, and when it's over -- your life, i.e. -- it is.
And I will never forgive myself, for all their deaths. Don't pretend, don't forget. Elide, perhaps, to survive, but don't let down your guard. Never create that bond again, never have a child, there will be no one to hold you when that one goes, and it will hurt more than a dog, that I can guarantee.
Have a will, create a trust for ma, so that she survives if something happens to you.
Sookie: To be honest, Alcide, I am not sure I know anything anymore. It's starting to feel like there's no rhyme or reason left in this world.
Alcide: That's what death does, whips the ground right from under your feet, makes you wonder if it was ever there to begin with. But it was, it'll come back.
I used to think, in very juvenile vanity, that I never regret. Because you are the way you are, and if you went back and found yourself in the same situation again, you'd do the same.
No longer. If I had another chance, I would go back and do it differently. But I won't pray, I won't ask for miracles again. There never are, only people, and their effort bearing fruit against the odds.
It's over. I am broken, and done. I will do what life enjoins me to do, I will try my best to take care of ma, but that part of me that hoped for new beginnings, that was grateful to be given the chance to love, I want it to become inert for a long time. I don't want this to happen again. Oh yes, I hope, I want it so much, but I don't want to take a step forward. If, at some point, I am totally alone, I will look for another to love. But never before that.
Life is nasty, brutish and short, as Thomas Hobbes said. If I had nothing left to lose, I would say, ar keno? Ebar toh shesh korlei hoy. I am resigned, for whatever else life chooses to throw at me, and there will be more. There is no point rebelling, you live the best you can, and when it's over -- your life, i.e. -- it is.
And I will never forgive myself, for all their deaths. Don't pretend, don't forget. Elide, perhaps, to survive, but don't let down your guard. Never create that bond again, never have a child, there will be no one to hold you when that one goes, and it will hurt more than a dog, that I can guarantee.
Have a will, create a trust for ma, so that she survives if something happens to you.
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