If sex is just sensation, there should be more pleasure in denying it, non? Or maybe I am more straitlaced than I think.
My eyes are popping out with endless work and far more from Castle marathon watching. I am desultory, sulky and depressed. It's Pujo and nobody is really whooping about it in my part of the city. And my potential mother-in-law asked why I didn't do a registry biye the next time I came, and onushthaan could happen later! Oof babare! I said no, I mean, what the! And she was even saying that they wanted grandkids. I feel like gurgling with laughter at the outrage of it. But well, no. They are kind people. Very kind. Much better than a lot of people their age. But I can't meet this demand.
I want to be er, free. I realise it involves just so much loneliness, but I still want to be free. No marriages to make to keep other people happy, no endless khushal mangals to inquire of relatives who do not excite your interest. To live anonymously. I can't see what I am going to do. He is doing so well for himself it makes no sense to even ask him to come and live here. And I don't want to live here forever and when I am ready to go elsewhere, he will probably just be settling in. He gets unsettled if he has to move. I do too, I am even now, but I still want to move.
If I were Beckett, I would have been resolute and told him a long time ago that we don't want the same things from life and let's go our ways. But I have hung on like a limpet and now it's five years and I will be obligated, even want, to marry after two years.
I still hope to have everything. And I am not a kickass person like Oli even. Nowhere near. Yet I hope to have everything.
Miserable Pujo, youalls.
On another note, much love and warmth. I miss Pujo, I miss the pandals, the hubbub, the laughter and the fatigue.
Bad English is my birthright
4 comments:
tumi erokom dutoi ekshathey cheo na. make up your mind about what you want.
dekh toke dibbo bole dilo. but i so agree -- miss pujo, miss us, keyatala, nights of walking and clicking and dubious chinese food and adda.
tomader dujoner songe dekhe hoyechhilo ak pujoe, in 2007, oi north cal-er akti chowra golitey. ki akta jomidarbarir pujo hoy na, shobai dekhte jay? tomra okhane jachhile, amra dol bedhe phirchhilam.
and among all the dazzling jhyaljhyale finery all around, you both were wearing dark tshirts aar cargo pants aar carrying boro boro camera. you looked fantastic.
amar ei hothat meeting ta khub vividly mone acche.
PS romiladi, inertia is a bitch. dibbo ja bolchhe sheta kora oto shoja noy. what you want aar what you have possibly dutoi nijer jaygay boshe thakbe, norbe na. :-/
oho, shobhabazar rajbari, ebar naam ta mone porlo.
also, *dekha
Post a Comment