my heart is clenched. i dont know why i thought this would sort itself out at least a little today. my heart sank when i realised. it seems i've stayed away so long from all that i like. F was operated today. she was being trouble, so I had to put the choke chain on her. oh, she must have been so scared. she has probably been scared all the time since she always snaps at people there. what a badly-brought up dog, I must think. such a small dog, and who knows how she must feel being all alone.
it was so good to have ma today. i thought i'd cry from hopelessness on the way home. but she was around, to just have someone else who cares is so strengthening. at other times, when i have sat at home and will do for the rest of the week, it seems like i have been placed in an alien planet, where i have no roots, no purpose while everyone i know has a concrete day to day reason for being here. i feel like an exile, here to take away something that belongs to me in a place where i dont belong, where i have no right.
each day i sit doing nothing, seems like a waste of life blood: room rent, cost of food, travel: all for cooling my heels waiting for a time when something MIGHT happen.
Bad English is my birthright
4 comments:
:-|
all the best. will call. come visit and entertain and be entertained by cat.
F is a good dog :) she's just out of sorts cuz she's never been alone. Between how are things shaping up in Delhi. Do mail me once your back n take care :)
@ dibbo, :-|
@Madhura, i was looking forward to seeing her so much. but now you are away.
@Priyanka, F not bad, actually. dilli still uncertain. and very hot.
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