Singing for the lonely...

Saw Visconti's Death in Venice. Committed the sin of turning up for the movie an hour late. Covering a twenty minute road in forty five, I was thinking once in a while what it would be like if I went out and beat the living daylights out of the people manning the traffic. Then thought that was way too manic even for me. When got to Gorky Sadan finally, there was friend giggling away for some absurd reason. Felt strange: if I'm late, she may be pissed with me, but what pervert giggles when they are angry? Well, it was on Visconti's account
I am an absolute anari regarding cinema but I still say that the movie is weird. Aschenbach was weird, so was Tadziu. At times it seemed like a very sorry melodrama. Visconti must be greatly revered by film-makers but I shall have to watch better stuff of his before I can get close to liking him even rudimentarily.
Feel very lonely now. Went to JU today after, like, a month. Didn't go to the department. But there was an excuse-like thing for that. Had come for library clearance, then got into a hurry to go courier hunting with friend at Hazra. That was a tiny adventure which I think the friend felt more keenly, having left home at 7 in the day.
Anyway, I feel consciously lonely today after what seems like ages. Atodin, days were an endless routine of getting info., filing story. Today, I was at this beloved place, with much-esteemd friend, eating, lolling around, whiling time, like had done for the last five years.
Day's jaunt ended today with more of lolling. We walked from Rabindra Sadan metro station, beyond the momo joints towards this crossing (getting really vague now), turned right. After walking a little, we found this stone seat, slab really and sat there, under this orange street lamp. In front, on the other footpath, there was this building, and we could see inside the flat on the first floor- pink walls, ashbab, lamp-shades on wall, a trinket or two hung up. Quiet. Lots of bustle, but in that patch where we sat, it seemed really comfortable to me. Then some people passed by. They spoke loudly, even across us, but it didn't cut into our chat at all.
I wonder how frequently we shall continue to do this?
We are four of us, tres amies. And all on the brink, just starting out on life. And this tentativeness, poised in between two worlds, is so quiet, so nice. I love it for us, know that we'll make good. Yet there are these things that I have enjoyed so much, and I want to keep them. I fear that me being me, I won't somehow manage to do that.
Today was how I love it. Felt more alive today just hanging out in an environment that agrees with me so utterly, more than any coup I might affect for myself at work. JU one so often takes for granted. While you are there, it seems difficult to conceive a point when it will not be enveloping your existence.
Work's a high. but JU is like the assurance of home.